I love it when unplanned quality time reveals itself. Today I took Ash to his first orthodontist appointment– with the very same Ortho who did my braces almost 30 years ago, if you can dig it. I thought for sure he’d have a stick propping his head up but he actually wasn’t that old. 60s I’d guess. Anyway. Our drive there was quiet. I was tired. I’d never been to the location before so I was listening to my GPS lady who sounded like she was fucking whispering the directions.
But on the way back I decided to play Ash a little bit of Blondie. He likes classic rock and said he’d heard of Debra Harry so I thought he’d be interested to know that as he was coming into the world, The Tide is High was playing on the radio in the OR. He thought that was pretty cool. We listened to a few more of the popular ones like Call Me and Heart of Glass and talked about seeing some rock concerts this summer. It was lovely. When you think of spending quality time with your child, particularly (in my opinion) if that child is not a child but a teenager, it’s usually time you planned for him or her. You plan a Disneyland vacation or a trip to the Lego Store or even an exercise date. You don’t plan on a half an hour ride from the orthodontist in five o’clock traffic being something memorable, but it really was.
When we got home we decided to have some French bread pizzas and watch The Burbs. “I wanna kill everyone. Satan is good. Satan is our pal.” 😂 that shit is never not funny. At the same time I was perusing the Instagram where 90% of the people I follow are hairstylists and salons and I decided to ask Ash if he would go wash his hair so I could style it for him, just for fun. I thought for sure he would say no but he didn’t. By the way if you don’t see Ash often enough to know, he is currently sporting a pretty badass pompadour with a fade on the sides and a slick hard part on the side. I love that he loves it because as y’all know, I love me a pomp and have worked hard to perfect them over the last couple of years. I showed him how versatile his haircut could be, talked to him about blow drying and told him that if a place also sells food, then it is not the right place to buy product or tools. Look man, every parent has to pass down something to their kid, right? Bear and Brandon are teaching him manly things and comic books and that stuff so I felt it encumbant upon me to teach him the truly important things in life: product, product, product.
Anywho, you guys don’t give a tin shit about the minute details I’m sure, but it was really great for me, and I think he enjoyed the time just as much as I did. Even more noticeable to me was the fact that I’m fairly certain that he was actually listening to my advice. I swear, by the time he gets married he’ll be slapping his wife’s wrist when she attempts to pick up hairspray at her local grocery store. (Although if I’ve done my job right then that relationship would never have gotten far enough for marriage. Shitty product is a deal breaker my friends– unless you have a floor to polish).
Well that’s that ladies and germs. It wasn’t snarky or really even clever. It didn’t change anyone’s life (or even ruin anyone’s life, which is like a win win). But if my blog always had you rolling in the aisles my life would be a lot different than it is and we might not know each other or get to spend this time together.
Take care. Be kind to one another. And for reals, please don’t use shitty product. I cannot stress this enough people. And take this Tom Hanks gem to bed with you why don’t you: “So what if they kept to themselves. Can you blame them? They live next door to people who break into their house, and burn it down while they’re gone for the day!)*
Ps. Seriously. Good product is key. And dont call me bossy when I’m sure the word you are searching for is “enthusiastic.” I am blessing you with this PSA. You’re welcome.
*this quote is better if you read it in that flipping out Tom Hanks way. You know the one I mean.
Pps. If you don’t know what I mean, then I’m sorry I just can’t do anything for you.
Ppps. Those of you who do know what I mean… awesome huh? Shake, shake, shake, turning red in the face and Jimmy Dugan says to Evelyn “You use your head! That’s that lump that’s three feet above your ass!)”
Pppps. Yep. I did. I just sailed right into A League of Their Own. Probably you’re used to me doing shit like that by now though eh?