A conversation with Abe on my first post surgery day back at work:
(Also I should mention I was feeling pretty great except for this one asshole incision which refuses to not bother me. The doctor says they had to cut through two muscles there and I was all like, “hell yeah you did. That’s where my six pack is.” Anyway, my body is finally detoxing 40 years of sugar and caffeine and even though I’m still super fluffy at least I finally feel pretty darn good.)
Me (calling Abe): What ya doin?
Abe: uh… working
Me: guess what I did yesterday?
Abe: (hesitating) I got nothin
Me: I went to the Christmas Expo
Me: I signed up for Winder Dairy delivery. Have you ever had root beer milk?
Abe: is this the only reason you’re calling me?
Me: yeah, but I have to tell you while I’m thinking about it or I’ll forget
Abe: ok I’m hanging up (followed by harsh phone click. One that I can only assume meant that he does not value my friendship. Or root beer milk, apparently)
Anyway. There is just no way that man didn’t miss me 😂
Ps. Incidentally, root beer milk tastes like a freaking root beer float explosion in your mouth. It is soooooo worth that delivery fee people. Do not deny yourselves this small pleasure. In these days of terrorists and girls whose butt cheeks hang out of their shorts, remember this: Rule #32: Enjoy the little things