Mind, Body, Me. It’s war. Maybe. 

Today was particularly bad. Stomach sick like the flu I’ve had for three weeks. A little different though. Bear thinks it’s all stress and anxiety and he might be right. Dr T said I had the stomach flu when I went in three weeks ago, and I know viruses nowadays are some crazy shit but I have never been sick for this long.  Today Bear practically had to carry me out of work and drive me home.  

So that’s my question tonight:  am I sick sick? Or is my head just sick? I know I’ve got some problems upstairs, that’s old news. But either way it’s causing disruptions in my life, which is not ok. Sounds like I’ll be seeing the doc again next week. In the meantime, ive never been more frustrated, which I’m sure isn’t helping if the Reds are my problem. 

Either my brain or my body is a total asshole. Or maybe they’re conspiring against me, which doesn’t only make them assholes, it makes them stupid. Do they not realize that it’s pretty much a “you go, we go” situation?  You’d think they would be on my side.  Maybe they’re just rebelling. You know, to teach me a lesson like. My eating habits are terrible, always have been, so my body’s all like “go ahead, make my day.”  And I’ve recently started a blog dedicated to calling my brain “Jess’s Mess.”  And my brain meats are all like “thanks for the name calling, bitch.” So one day the body and mind met up in a dark alley somewhere, probably the one where Freddy Krueger hides, just waiting for me to fall asleep. Like they paid him off to get lost for a while. And now they’ve decided to go to the mattresses with me. (That’s not a sex reference people; watch The Godfather for hell’s sake). 

Herein lies the dilemma. Do I agree to meet them and offer to make peace? Or do I stand my ground and say “listen you fuckers, if I want to eat marshmallows for dinner and then act like an insane person after, that’s my prerogative. It’s called freedom, bitch.”  I’m afraid if i do they’ll soon be sending Josh a special delivery of a bullet proof vest with a dead fish in it. And then Josh will be all: “it’s a siscillan message, it means Luca Brazi sleeps with the fishes.”  Only they’d have to put the fish in a cute pair of my boots or something, otherwise  Bear would just be like “the fuck?” And not even know I was dead. 

Anyway, I have no witty remarks to end this post with. Thanks for reading. The scribbling really is helpful.  Or maybe it’s just rambling.  Yeah. That sounds more like me. 

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3 thoughts on “Mind, Body, Me. It’s war. Maybe. 

  1. Jess, your body does react to your brain and not always in the nicest way! If your work environment is causing that much stress, you need to either change the location or your reaction to it. Stress makes you physically ill. I have an incredible shrink if you want a referral. He really helps you identify the stressors in your life and helps you learn to deal with them and/or change them. You have been a wonderful addition to our family and want to keep you around for a long time!
    Mama Jill

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    1. Mama Jill you are so sweet to me! I have a therapist that I really like but I’m not sure I’ll go see her or not. It’s definitely on my mind to do. Josh and I have talked a lot about it.

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    2. Sorry I feel like I just cut off right in the middle of my comment back to you. I’ve been so dang sick more often than not for three weeks now and on top of that I’ve had painful dental work so I am just a hot mess. We have canceled plans on all of our friends and family (my calendar said tonight was supposed to be mike and Jill night!). Anyway josh and I have been trying to figure out my work situation. If I can find somewhere else where I can make about the same money I will definitely go. I’d love to work closer to home. But I love my work family too so thinking back and forth on it makes me even more stressed out. Ugh! I assume one day it is bound to be better right?

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