Last Christmas I was given not one but two of what my good friend Tom calls Big Girl Coloring books — which, I don’t believe is a reference to my plus size status but I guess you never know. One of the books is Star Wars themed, the other is tattoo themed: two of my favorite things. Anyway, I was suffering terribly from arthritis and tennis elbow at the time so I put both books away and didn’t give them another thought. This is where I’ll point out that I have a shit storm of anxiety and sometimes depression living in my stupid head all the time. It seems to be getting worse either with age or in direct correlation to my moving up the ladder at work. Nothing great is without its down sides.
Anyway, yesterday I finished reading Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince for probably the sixth time and I couldn’t think of what I wanted to read next. This is not usually a problem for me, as books have always been an escape from anxiety for me, and I’d been having a minor building into a major panic attack for the previous little bit. So I sat staring at my book case, wondering if I ought to read something I hadn’t in a long time; and that’s when I saw the Big Girl Coloring Books and crayons and thought, what the fuck have I got to lose? I used to love coloring as a kid even though I was never terribly good at it and was yelled at by my grandmother for it on more than one occasion, as were a lot of us. She was my favorite human in the whole world; but more about her later.
I grabbed Star Wars and the crayons. Bear (that’s my husband) brought me a package of colored pencils and said I might like to use those instead. By this time my panic attack had grown exponentially and I figured the more the merrier where therapy is concerned. I colored. Within an hour I had lost the shakes and the nausea as well as the headache. I listened to Pitch Perfect (the movie, not the soundtrack) while working and found myself feeling pretty damn close to normal. I mean– normal for me. And I’ll be fucked if I didn’t make it through the whole night without medicating. Here’s what one of my finished products looks like. (And yes, i realize there is some outside the line coloring, but lesser so as the Mexican jumping beans (aka the shakes) subsided.)